7 Ways to Strengthen Your People Management Skills
March 21, 2018
3 ways to get over hurt from a previous relationship
August 4, 2016
Let’s Eat some Pie
Pie makes everybody feel good - Laurie Halse Anderson
My favorite pie to eat is sweet potato pie. It always makes me feel good and taste good. Well today we are going to eat a figurative Pie. P.I.E. is an acronym for Perception, Interpretation and Energy.
This P.I.E. will begin the healing process we need in order to get over some of the hurts we may have experienced from previous relationship challenges.
Perception – Changing the way we look at what and who hurt us. Imagine running in the in woods. While running, you see what you perceive to be a snake. You immediately take off in a different direction because of the fear you have regarding snakes. Later you return and see that what you perceived to be a snake was only a rope. Your understanding of what you thought to be a snake was influenced by your fear. The rope had nothing to do with your fear but received the treatment as if it was dangerous. We must change our perception and perspective on how we look at things if we are going to start being free from what hurt is. A simple deeper look or slowing down to see what was really going on would have given you the proper perspective on the perceived fear. If we translate that to our personal relationship lives, we have to ask ourselves; Are you a victim or victor from what hurt you? The saying goes, “you win some you lose some,” but the truth is, you win some you learn some. Everything you have experienced that tried to hurt you has only made you stronger. You have to make the choice of being better and not bitter. Changing your perception and perspective of what happened to you frees you to be healed from your hurt. You didn’t lose in those situations, you learned something. So take what you learned and use it to be a better person. Hurt people hurt people. If you bring your hurt, pain and fear to your next relationship, you will end up hurting the person you are with and they didn’t do anything to you. Don’t make them pay for the hurt that someone else put you through.
Interpretation – While on a trip to Vegas, I ate at an Asian Thai restaurant. This place was a 5 star cuisine and had excellent reviews. I had been in Vegas for 3 days and experienced some of the best buffets in the world already so I wanted to experience something a little different. The atmosphere of the restaurant was very chic and modern. The lights were dim and it provided a very sexy atmosphere. When my server came, I was already sure of what I wanted to eat. I saw on the menu a selection that would give me the opportunity to taste a variety of foods and experience the menu from different perspectives. When my food came, it was an array of beautiful food. The arrangement of the meal was quite lovely and I was ready to make a mess of what the chef had prepared. While eating the food, I began to taste and savor every bite. I could literally taste all the herbs and spices that the chef had put in the food. My mouth began to have a party of flavors and spices. My tongue was experiencing a variety of tastes I had never experienced before. My taste buds began to interpret what it was tasting. My interpretation of the herbs were that the chef wanted me to feel good about what I was eating. He thought of my taste buds as he mixed the ingredients. Now that might be far- fetched but think about it. We sometimes internalize what someone did to us thinking that they were trying to do something to us personally. We personalize everything and make it about us. That chef wasn’t thinking about me; he was just following the recipe and making a great dish. I personalized the meal and made the meal all about me. Yes I ordered it and it was for me but the same dish someone could have ordered and may have not liked the meal. My point is this. Everything from a previous relationship was not always meant to hurt you intentionally. Some people didn’t know how to relate to you and that’s not your fault. It was a lesson learned. Begin to interpret things that you experience differently. Stop saying that things happened to you and say that you experienced some things. Your experiences develop character, your experiences makes you a professional. When you are a professional at certain things, it means you have mastered some things. Be a master of your mind rather than mastered by your mind. Don’t allow your mind to create fearful responses in your life based on previous experiences. Interpret things as a learning experience. Personalizing and internalizing everything can create a range of emotions that could block your judgment.
Energy – Your energy belongs in the right space. If you have a pair of pants that had a hole in the pocket of those pants, would you knowingly place money or an important item in that pocket? I believe NO is the answer to that question. Then why do you put energy into an area of your lives that is not beneficial? When we operate in relationships from a place of fear and hold grudges against past issues and people; we are now placing money into a pocket that has a hole in it. The pocket is supposed to hold the money until the time we need it. If we reach into a pocket that has a hole in it, we will only have a negative outcome because what we needed is now gone. Placing energy into negativity and regret only gives you more fear and negativity not freedom. Your energy should be going into your freedom not your fear. The energy you are placing in your fear is only creating more fear. Real healing can take place when we place our energy into an area of our life where positive things can take place. Fear is an energy that contracts, Love is the energy that expands. Love comes from a place of freedom. You can’t love and be fearful at the same time.